A Hello to Heaven

Six weeks ago, we received the most wonderful news we could get - we were going to have another baby!  Immediately your excited thoughts go to your expanding family, how your loved ones will react, the changes that will ensue, and of course the instantaneous love you feel for this new life.  However, God had a different plan for our precious little one.  At 7 weeks 5 days into my pregnancy, our little angel's heart stopped beating and it went to be with our Lord in Heaven.

We have had a difficult week of trying to understand our grief, comforting each other, crying, feelings of guilt, sadness, and a deep feeling of loss that is unexplainable.  We never got to listen to our little angel's heartbeat, yet in its short little life it brought happiness into our world.  We got a glimpse into the love Trey will feel for a new baby (he liked to tell us he was "sweet" and would "hug baby".)  We understood that our hearts really do make more room when another child enters your world.  We enjoyed getting to talk about our family and the beautiful ways in which it would change.

We learned a lot throughout this week, about each other and about ourselves.  I learned that I couldn't have married a more caring, wonderful man.  Brian's shoulder has been hugged and cried on more times this week and he has nothing but a strong arm to support me and kind words to comfort me.  I also learned that he makes an amazing chocolate chip cookie and doesn't mind if I want to eat macaroni and cheese 3 days in a row.  We learned that Trey is very intuitive to our moods and adjusts his accordingly.  He has been amazing and has been allowing Mommy and Daddy more hugs than usual.  Our families have been incredibly supportive also - thank you for the countless conversations and listening to our thoughts.  Most importantly, thank you for the prayers.

When Trey was born, we experienced first hand the power of prayer.  I feel like that is what carried us through one of the most difficult things we have ever had to experience.  Grief is difficult and is hard to understand.  I do understand that God has a plan for us and for our family, and I trust in Him to guide us to the right path and the right decisions.  Although we don't understand why our little angel was taken from us so soon and our hearts are breaking, our faith is unshaken.  Please continue to pray for our strength.

There are many things people do after a loss of an unborn baby.  Many name it, many do something special to commemorate its due date, others choose to create a special memory.  My momma bought us a special red bud tree so that when we move, we will have a beautiful reminder of our precious angel in Heaven.  Brian wants to seek out a children's charity and make a donation in the name of "Baby Brendel".  I decided we would send a "hello to heaven."  We each wrote a note to the baby, attached it to a balloon, and released it in one of the most beautiful national parks in the country.  We watched it as it disappeared into the clouds, and hope that our little angel read our words and knows that not only do we love it, but look forward to meeting it one day in Heaven.  Here is our "hello to heaven".

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6